


our hearts were singing

by preciousuga (alexscarlet)



Series: on the subject of tenderness [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Autism, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Getting Together, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Non-binary character, Other, Polyamory, Queer Themes, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, i love them with all my gay little heart, nct are all lgbt no i will not accept comment, soft, tagged characters are mentioned the most!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 06:52:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17299841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexscarlet/pseuds/preciousuga
Summary: you are invited to: queermas! christmas is a time to spend time with family. i am your family, and you are mine.or: the late christmas fic (technically it's before twelfth night!) about nct's christmas celebrations with each other





	our hearts were singing

**Author's Note:**

> yes i am aware this fic is super duper late for christmas. but i wrote this fic - my first in ages - for my own enjoyment first and foremost. i want to share it with everyone too, in the hopes that it can bring you some joy. it truly has become my baby, so please be kind to it. 
> 
> note: taeil in this fic uses it/its pronouns.
> 
> major shoutouts to:  
> 1\. this beautiful thread on twitter: https://twitter.com/bunnydol/status/1073697751685361669  
> 2\. my beautiful friend, ninda  
> 3\. my beautiful kiddo, lay  
> 4, my beautiful girlfriend, claire. i love you.

**our hearts were singing**

 

“what time are the kids coming round?”

 

taeyong jumps at the sudden question, hitting his head on the kitchen cupboard. “ouch!” he spins round, hand rubbing at his head, to find yuta, their head poked round the kitchen doorway, grimacing in half-sympathy, half-guilt.

 

“oops?” they grin when they realise taeyong is looking at them dead-pan, unimpressed.

 

“i told you to keep out of the kitchen.”

 

“technically…” yuta drawls, coming into view properly and leaning against the doorframe, “i’m not _in_ the kitchen.”

 

taeyong snatches up the kitchen roll and throws it at their head. yuta ducks in time, unable to hold back their laugh before they stifle it in favour of a put-upon, hurt expression, hand splayed indignantly on their chest.

 

“don’t give me that,” taeyong says, picking up the wooden spoon he’s been using to stir the gravy and shaking it in yuta’s direction. “that’s what you get for trying to be smart with me.”

 

“but taeyong,” yuta pouts, “i can’t help but be smart?”

 

“you’re insufferable.” taeyong says, but he’s melting already.

 

“you love me.”

 

taeyong makes an unconvinced humming noise, turning his back to yuta in order to stir the gravy again, hiding his smile.

 

yuta’s clicky knees give them away just before their arms slip around taeyong’s waist. they press a kiss to taeyong’s shoulder and he lets himself lean back just enough to feel yuta supporting him.

 

they stay like that for a while, rocking slightly side to side, until one of yuta’s hands tickles up his back to tug gently through the hair at the base of his neck.

 

“this hecking mullet,” yuta mumbles, and taeyong would take offence but it’s yuta. he’s had so many compliments from them about it. he tilts his head back and yuta dutifully scratches just behind his ear. taeyong hums in satisfaction.

 

“gotta check the pies.” taeyong murmurs, making no move to do so.

 

yuta tugs taeyong’s t-shirt aside and smooches the slope of his neck into his shoulder once again. it’s one of johnny’s old camp shirts, so it’s too big for him anyways. there’s something so grossly domestic about it; taeyong cooking a christmas dinner, yuta’s arms around him in the kitchen, yuta kissing him too soft for it to be leading onto anything, just a simple display of intimacy, an act of affection.

 

“love you.” yuta murmurs against his skin.

 

in that moment, taeyong can’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be.

 

* * *

 

the first thing that hits donghyuck when they enter their house is the smell of freshly-baked cookies. the second is that the lights are all soft and atmospheric, only the lamps on rather than the too-bright main lights, just the way they like it. from somewhere in the house plays the pretenders’ original rendition of 2000 miles; it makes them think of mark.

 

“honey! i’m home!” they call, because their parents used to do that back when donghyuck was tiny, before things changed, and donghyuck has taken to doing it now they have their own house with their own partners.

 

“we’re in the kitchen!” comes renjun’s voice.

 

donghyuck shucks off their winter coat, tosses aside the thick grey knitted sweater underneath and kicks their shoes under the bench in the pokey little entrance hall, before skipping through the living room to the kitchen.

 

it’s not a large kitchen to begin with, and with almost every member of the house inside its definitively cramped. donghyuck hovers in the doorway, hesitant to enter the fray but drawn in by the delightful scent of melted chocolate and their need for welcome-home hugs.

 

thankfully, yukhei notices them standing there, and immediately grins, leaping forward to sweep them into her arms.

 

“welcome home duckie.” she mumbles into their neck. donghyuck knows she finds their smell comforting, can feel her breathing in deeply as they hug her back just as tight. an unconscious tension in their chest releases and they suck in a deep breath, which they hold for a moment before breathing out and going slightly floppy in yukhei’s arms, confident that yukhei will support them. she does, of course, because she’s strong, and dependable; far more dependable than donghyuck had ever expected her to be when they first met all those years ago.

 

when they finally separate - overheating a little, since donghyuck is a human furnace and yukhei really shouldn’t be wearing that jumper indoors although it is super cute - it’s to find renjun staring at them both with the fondest expression on her face. not too long ago, she would’ve jumped at being caught looking so vulnerable, so readable, but now she relaxes into the exchange of happy looks, content in the knowledge that she’s safe with them. they’re all safe with each other.

 

“we made cookies.” renjun says, soft voice carrying in the lull of noise.

 

“she tried to make raisin cookies but i wouldn’t let her.” yukhei pouts.

 

donghyuck squeezes yukhei’s waist - they’ve still got an arm around her - and declares, “you’re an angel, yukhei. thank you for saving us all from renjun, she’s demonic.”

 

“takes one to know one,” renjun retorts, then in the ensuing laughter holds out a hand. donghyuck lets go of yukhei to take renjun’s outstretched hand, allows renjun to pull them in close and give them a kiss. renjun tastes like chocolate.

 

“you’ve already tried some?” they gasp, faux-scandalised.

 

renjun rolls her eyes. “you can have one too-“ donghyuck cackles, rushing over to the cooling tray, bright eyes and eager fingers seeking out the biggest and most-chocolatey cookie, “but _not_ more than one, we’ve got to have enough left to actually bring to queermas.”

 

the cookie is just as melty and warm and sticky and sweet as donghyuck had hoped. around a mouthful, they manage, “when’s it start?”

 

“queermas?” renjun is holding yukhei’s hands now, swaying them to the music playing softly on the speakers. “seven o’clock. so we’ll leave here at 6:45.”

 

donghyuck squints up at the analogue clock on the wall, gives up, looks at the digital clock on the oven and then shrieks when they realise it reads five thirty.

 

“yikes i’d better get ready. also, did jeno disappear while i was hugging yukhei? without saying hi?”

 

renjun shrugs as she starts washing the baking utensils, yukhei picking up the dishcloth to dry them. “jen’s been working themself up all day over that disagreement you had last night, maybe that’s why.” at donghyuck’s confused look, she clarifies, “over buying christmas presents?”

 

oh, that. donghyuck remembers now.

 

jeno had been talking about how gift-giving was an important part of relationships, and that thoughtful presents, ones that the recipient really wanted or needed, should be easily found by someone who truly loved them. jen had said this, loudly, whilst donghyuck was in the room, knowing all too well just how much donghyuck struggles with gift-giving, how the whole process gives them anxiety and makes them feel like a terrible friend and partner. donghyuck might have yelled at jeno, just a little. and stormed off, a little. and maybe slammed their bedroom door loudly. maybe.

 

renjun misinterprets the moment of silence as continued disgruntlement. “i’m pretty sure they want to apologise, they’re just-“

 

“oh! that’s not- i don’t hold grudges like i used to. if anything i should be apologising...” they trail off.

 

“but you were hurt and an apology from them would maybe be a little appreciated.” renjun finishes. donghyuck shifts uncomfortably. “that’s ok, hyuck. they should know better and you shouldn’t have snapped. both of you can apologise. now go and find jen, and get dressed. remember that their house will likely get very warm.”

 

“yes mother.” donghyuck drawls, washing their sticky hands under the kitchen tap and quickly drying them on the tea towel, running away as renjun hisses after them.

 

“don’t compare me to that hag, you hag!”

 

donghyuck laughs all the way up the stairs at renjun’s choice of insult. their chest feels warm, bubbly, at how readily renjun jumps to offend hyuck’s mother and defend them from her, at the anticipation of spending the evening with their closest friends and loved ones, at all the little things that make them feel loved and safe and comfortable here.

 

all the little things that make this house a home.

 

* * *

 

FOUR WEEKS AGO

 

"but what does zesty like...taste like?" johnny wonders aloud.

 

"oranges?" says taeyong.

 

ten says, "mmmm _**Z E S T Y**_."

 

taeyong bites down on a giggle.

 

"i just think it's a bit vague," johnny continues as if neither of them had spoken, "like, orange zest? zest of lime? those are different fruits."

 

"fruits!" parrots ten. taeyong squeezes their interlocked hands, smiling at them fondly. "why don't we get some spiced cider and you can try it?" ten suggests to johnny then.

 

they're out at the christmas fair in the middle of the city. it hasnt changed much since taeyong's childhood - the same mulled wine in sturdy german tankards, same mock-cabin stores selling christmas decorations and toys, same churros and popcorn stands, just a few more lights - but ten only went for the first time last year, and that time they were with other friends. as much as they pretend otherwise, ten, like taeyong, is a romantic at heart, and taeyong can see how much they're enjoying walking around with their partners with them.

 

it's early evening but given the time of year it's already dark. ten pulls johnny and taeyong into the puddle of light spilling from a store front, eyes sparkling, nose red from the cold. "johnny, it's a cute santa!"

 

"real cute." johnny agrees, picking up a couple of the tiny china santas and admiring them in turn. taeyong's pretty sure that, just like him, johnny thinks ten is the thing that's real cute. "wanna buy one?"

 

"yeah!" ten nods happily, "do you think kun would like it?"

 

johnny rolls her eyes then smiles down at them fondly, "yeah, baby, he'll like it." she doesn't add ' _he'd like anything you give him_ ' but taeyong knows she's thinking it.

 

ten's practically buzzing as they hand the saleswoman their chosen mini santa to get it wrapped up. it warms taeyong's heart to see how eager they are to gift it to kun; the two of them have been dancing around each other for so long now that taeyong really hopes this christmas they finally get their act together and make things official.

 

"wanna pick one out yong?" johnny asks, getting her wallet out.

 

taeyong wonders what there is to pick until he sees that some of them have teeny tiny fir trees, and others have rosy pink cheeks. he chooses a pink-cheeked one that he thinks his sister would like, and johnny happily pays for them both.

 

"to the cider!" ten declares, once the santas have been tucked safely away in taeyong's backpack.

 

they make their way to the drinksellers. taeyong is tempted by the alcoholic hot chocolate; johnny buys a spiced cider. with their mugs they huddle under the red and green striped canapies near a heat lamp away from the sudden rain. ten steals sips off both of them and initiates a lengthy discussion over whether the cider is indeed zesty, which taeyong and johnny both indulge; across the wooden table, they share fond smiles.

 

giving back their mugs, they peruse the stalls again. when taeyong shivers, johnny gives him her hat, tugging it over taeyong's ears and booping his nose so taeyong blushes. ten's eyes light up at the scented candle stand and they spend fifteen minutes sniffing three different candles before shyly presenting taeyong with a 'summer fruits' one, singing, "this one pleaseee." ten does a little happy wiggle dance as taeyong buys it, spirit undampened by the rain.

 

somewhere within the market, someone sings christmas carols.

 

johnny and ten disappear whilst taeyong is buying his aunt a little reindeer and he finds them again at a familiar stall selling beautiful tree ornaments.

 

ten turns around and holds one out.

 

"oh." breathes taeyong. it has four little happy faces with pink cheeks, poking over the edge of a red and white sleigh, with presents piled high in the back and little fir trees growing out of the snowdrifts at the bottom.

 

it's intricate and adorable and taeyong knows just where he would put it on the tree.

 

it's the same one taeyong had looked at last year, back when the idea of living with yuta, ten and johnny seemed like a far off dream.

 

"do you like it?" ten asks. "i just thought. well. hopefully this is the first christmas of many, with all of us together."

 

taeyong's chest is so warm. "i love it." a cold breeze cuts through the rain and tugs at the end of taeyong's scarf. he doesn't feel it at all.

 

* * *

 

"i'll go hurry the others along.” yuta says, heading out of the kitchen, having bothered taeyong for far too long, really. there are things that need doing.

 

"oh!" yuta hesitates in the doorway at taeyong’s exclamation. "can you let taeil know that if it wants to make spiced cider, it needs to get down here and make it itself?"

 

fifteen minutes later - honestly faster than taeyong was expecting - taeil slides into the kitchen.

 

"hey tyong."

 

"hey you." taeyong watches as taeil sticks its finger in the simmering gravy and licks it contemplatively, pulling an impressed grimace. "do you have a recipe in mind or...?"

 

"gonna wing it, probably. where'd johnny leave the cider?"

 

"cider there and apple juice over there, 'cause you gotta make a non-alcoholic version."

 

"right, right, yeah. nice. which hob-top can i use?"

 

taeyong considers the next things he's got to cook and gestures to the left two. "most of it is oven stuff now, anyways, save for the peas and purple sprouting."

 

"broccolini." chirps taeil quickly as it takes a large saucepot out of the cupboard.

 

"they're the same thing." taeyong huffs, pouting.

 

taeil laughs. "watch out, there's a cutie in the kitchen."

 

taeyong blushes and taeil grins, far too happy about making taeyong lose his composure given how easy that is. (taeyong flushes at nearly every compliment, every gentle tease. it's a little infuriating for him, and a lot endearing to everyone else.)

 

"you gonna put orange zest in it?" taeyong asks after a moment of quiet, just the bubble of the gravy and soft whoosh of the gas stove.

 

taeil laughs and reaches over to turn the radio up.

 

* * *

 

THREE WEEKS AGO

 

kun nudges jen in the side. “go give your mom a hug.” together they look over at doyoung, who is frantically scraping cupcake mixture into the cases, glaring at the bowl in her intensity. jeno’s eyes widen and they abandon their post (spooning out cookie dough onto a baking tray) to go to her side.

 

“let me do that, mom,” they urge softly. doyoung’s frown melts into loving gratitude and she lets jeno pry the bowl from her hands.

 

“i don’t wanna waste any of it,” she explains anxiously, “i don’t want to be wasteful.”

 

jeno nods without looking at her, focused on their task, “mm, that’s reasonable.”

 

doyoung collapses against the one clean kitchen counter. “i love my kid,” she groans. “hey, guys, i love my kid.”

 

“we know,” says donghyuck, rolling their eyes as they lick brownie batter from the spoon, “that’s only, like, the fifth time you’ve told us this afternoon.”

 

doyoung scowls. “don’t make me flick flour at you.”

 

“have fun explaining to taeyong later why his kitchen is covered in flour,” donghyuck replies smartly.

 

“ok, ok. wash that spoon up, hyuck.” kun interjects, before doyoung can leap across the room and throttle the kid. “doie, put the brownie mix in the oven.”

 

“because i’m nice, i’ll let you distract me.” doyoung says, doing as instructed.

 

given taeyong’s dedication to creating a safe haven for his friends, it hadn’t taken long for his house to become the location of many a wholesome group activity. kun’s cooking classes are perhaps the most successful creation, followed by ‘Gaymes Night’, spearheaded by jeno and johnny alternately, both in avid competition with the other.

 

taeyong’s big kitchen is the perfect setting for cooking and/or baking adventures. sometimes kun plans his cooking classes in advance, and will make a post on the ‘Kunking Class’ facebook page with the recipe attached so people can sign up and he can get an idea of numbers, but oftentimes the classes occur spontaneously. of all the houses, even kun’s, taeyong’s always has basic ingredients in the cupboards.

 

this baking fiesta is spontaneous.

 

earlier this morning, kun had awoken to find doyoung sitting in the kitchen. that alone was not unusual, as doyoung is an early riser; the unusual thing was the way she was sat with an uneaten bowl of soggy cereal in front of her, staring blankly ahead. she had startled when he called her name, and clammed up when he encouraged her to tell him what was on her mind. he had managed to make her drink a nice, hot mug of tea before she had to leave for work, but knowing her like he did, kun was sure it would take more than tea to ease doyoung’s worries.

 

it wasn’t until later in the day, however, that kun had decided an impromptu baking session was the answer.

 

having cleaned the house from top to bottom, minus, of course, doie and jungwoo’s rooms, he had been feeling distinctly hungry and in want of something sweet to nibble, when there came a knock on the door.

 

jeno stood on the other side, in a funky bobble hat with matching gloves, huge fluffy scarf covering most of their face, and eyes bright with tears.

 

“oh honey, what’s wrong?”

 

“is doie in?” jeno had squeaked. hearing their voice crack made kun’s heart just melt in his chest.

 

using his softest, most encouraging voice, kun had said, “i’m so sorry, she’s at work. can i help?” from what doyoung had told him previously, an emotional jeno shared much in common with a frightened wild animal, preferring to run away and uncomfortable showing vulnerability to anyone. but god, right then they had looked like they could do with a hug, and it took all that kun had not to just bundle them up in one.

 

“i don’t want to be a bother.” jeno had whispered, looking stricken, like bothering kun was the absolute worst thing in the world, even as they let kun usher them inside.

 

“you’re not a bother.” kun rushed to reassure them. and then, a stroke of brilliance. “how about you tell me what’s wrong, and we can work through it together, and then you can help me do some baking.”

 

“baking?”

 

“at taeyong’s. a cookery class thing. for christmas.”

 

jeno’s forehead had crinkled, “eh? but it’s november.” still, they drifted after him into the kitchen, where kun put the kettle on for tea, and the agitated look on their face had disappeared.

 

“that’s true. but it’s nearly december and i want to bake something for the volunteers and people at the shelter.” he said. jeno had nodded, their eyebrows pinching together in sincerity. kun had to turn to the kettle to hide his fond smile. “you can invite someone, if you’d like? i’m going to make doie come too.”

 

“i think…hyuck’s been having a rough time, even though they haven’t talked to any of us,” jeno had replied, then added, almost to themself, “actually they probably haven’t talked to us _because_ they’re having a rough time.”

 

the kettle boiled. “you go plonk yourself down on the sofa, and text donghyuck, then.” as jeno did so, kun made them both a cup of tea, referring to the little chart he’s got tacked up on the inside of one of the cupboard doors to check whether jeno took milk or sugar. in neat handwriting beside jeno’s name was written ‘ _two sugars and a tiny drop of milk_ ’.

 

carefully, kun had carried the mugs into the living room, passing jeno theirs before sitting down next to them.

 

“now. talk to me.”

 

* * *

 

taeyong sits on the bed a bit heavier than he meant to, slumping over a little.

 

he hasn’t been sat there long before ten comes into the room. without asking, ten takes the towel held loosely in taeyong’s hands and slides to kneel on the bed behind him, drying taeyong’s hair with gentle, strong hands.

 

after spending all day taking care of the dinner party, it feels nice to be taken care of himself. more than nice; he lets his eyes slip shut and relaxes into the feeling.

 

once ten is done with his hair, they toss the towel onto the carpet and reach for taeyong’s moisturiser on the bedside table. squirting a dollop into their palms, ten massages taeyong’s shoulders.

 

taeyong makes a quiet hum of pleasure; he could stay quiet but ten likes to know when they’ve hit the spot, likes verbal reassurance, and taeyong is more than happy to give it to them.

 

once ten has worked their thumbs and palms into all the knots and divots of taeyong’s back, they press a kiss to his shoulder.

 

“you’ve been working hard today, hm?” taeyong hums in agreement. “cooking lots. you been OK with being around all that food?”

 

taeyong swivels round to smile at them. ten’s looking at him with kind curiosity, nothing judgmental or, worse, overly worried. people worrying over his eating is something taeyong finds triggering, so he’s grateful all the time for how kindly and to-the-point ten is about it. “i’m…struggling to find my appetite now but we’ve got a few hours before we’ll actually be eating and i had a shower to get rid of all the cooking smells so. i think i’ll be OK.”

 

ten nods, then softly sings, “all clean and nice to know~” taeyong smiles, leans in as ten does so their foreheads touch. taeyong closes his eyes again, bathes in the intimacy, in ten’s orange blossom scent.

 

“proud of you.” ten mumbles. when taeyong makes a quiet, cute noise of confusion, they clarify, “working so hard for us. organising these things can be really daunting and tiring but you’ve done so well.”

 

taeyong squirms away, blushing bright red; he can feel the blood heating up his cheeks. “it’s not over yet.”

 

ten smiles, reaches over to tweak taeyong’s ear, then run their hands through his slightly-damp, clean hair. “yeah but the set up is done, and we’re gonna have a great evening no matter what happens.”

 

taeyong whines when ten tries to take their hand away and they giggle and keep stroking his hair. “just want everyone to have a good time. and be happy.”

 

“you can’t force people to be happy, yong.” ten warns, and taeyong sighs in acknowledgement. “but even if outside things are making people upset or worried or angry, this house, and this evening? gonna be a safe place. a happy place.”

 

“cos we’re family.” taeyong says softly.

 

ten tenses up for a moment. taeyong knows they’re thinking of a different kind of family, not the found kind. then they relax, eyes gazing into the middle distance, as they remind themself that family can be good, can be safe, can be about love. ten looks at taeyong, blinking at them with his big doe eyes, happy and tired and so full of love it’s unbearable sometimes. thinks of johnny, the gentle giant, and how she makes herself tiny around them, vulnerable and caring in equal measure. thinks of kun’s soft voice, soft hands, strong wisdom, how he goes out of his way to do things for others even when he’s stretched thin. how doyoung franticly wants for everyone to be happy, but never takes out that worry on them; instead, she is kind reassurances and encouragements, quick to hug and quicker to love. thinks of the kids, how the older queers look after them, adore them; how goddamn amazing it feels that the kids trust them, look to them for advice and help and love.

 

oh, yes. family.

 

* * *

 

 

TWO WEEKS AGO

 

jungwoo is awful at presents. they have been all their life; much to their mother's disappointment and shame.

 

there's just something about thinking up present ideas and buying the presents themselves that they really struggle with. present-giving is fraught with anxieties: what if the recipient doesn't like it? what if they're offended by the fact jungwoo thought they would like it? what if they have it already? is it too expensive, or not expensive enough? is it too big, or too small? is one gift enough, or should jungwoo buy accompanying presents? does jungwoo know this person at all, if jungwoo can't even figure out what they want?

 

they've asked people who are good at presents - like yuta, yukhei, and kun - and yet still the key to gift-giving eludes them. every birthday, christmas and anniversary are merely masked occasions to feel like a shit friend and terrible partner.

 

so this christmas, jungwoo has decided to write everyone a letter instead.

 

unlike present-giving, words are something they're good at.

 

throughout different friendship groups, schools and situations, jungwoo has consistently been something of an agony aunt. they've been someone whom others go to for advice, as well as for comfort. it was strange, actually, and sort of awful, to meet kun, who filled such a similar role. jungwoo had gradually felt more and more useless, convincing themself that, when not performing that role of comforter and confidante, they had nothing else to offer their friends and partners.

 

then jaemin had knocked on their door and said the magic words: "i can't talk to kun about this-"

 

unsurprisingly, it turns out that there are some things and sometimes when one doesn’t want the _maternal_ comfort kun offers.

 

of course, knowing that didn’t fix everything. the last year in particular, jungwoo has been working on not attributing their self-worth to success in a single quality or personality trait; with yukhei’s eager help especially, but also with the constant support of the friendship group as a wider unit.

 

they’re really proud of themself, when they look back at how much they’ve grown this year - in self-knowledge, in confidence, in self-love - as well as filled with gratitude.

 

jungwoo pours that gratitude into the letters they write. there’s sincere messages of congratulations too, encouraging their friends to reflect on their personal year and feel proud, as jungwoo is proud of them. jungwoo’s hopes and wishes for each person in the new year. imparting nuggets of wisdom where needed, and words of comfort if necessary. at one point, jungwoo starts crying, overwhelmed with how much they appreciate and adore the precious people they have found, they have been lucky to surround themself with.

 

most of all, the letters are overflowing with love.

 

* * *

 

 

“i see you two have made up.” renjun remarks, pausing in her mission to gather her things (early, as usual) to watch donghyuck dusting highlighter over jeno’s cheekbones. donghyuck is close enough to see jeno’s cheeks pink a little under renjun’s gaze. “i’m glad.”

 

“me too.” says donghyuck, straightening up and looking over at renjun. “oh heck, you look beautiful.” she’s wearing a light grey turtleneck under her beige suede jacket with high-waisted black trousers that show off her teeny waist and, combined with her fashionable black boots, lengthen the line of her legs wonderfully. “i stan a lesbian style icon.”

 

“shut up.” renjun pretends she’s not blushing, reaching up to fiddle with one of her dangly earrings. “you look gorgeous, as always.” it sounds like an off-hand comment but renjun is sincere; donghyuck flushes, pleased. it’s such a pretty sight that renjun is drawn across the room to kiss them.

 

when they part, donghyuck wonders if renjun can feel the way jeno is watching her; wonders for the millionth time when jeno and jaemin will tell renjun they like her. they know that the older gays are rooting for ten and kun to get together this christmas, but they’re far more invested in having their girlfriend realise the crush she’s got on jaemin and jeno. for their sake, if not for hers.

 

speaking of which, “where’s jaem? i haven’t seen her all evening?”

 

“she’s got late-night Japanese, gonna meet us there. oh heck, that reminds me i’m grabbing her a dress to change into.” renjun rushes from the room with typical renjun-esque sense of purpose.

 

donghyuck looks back at jeno, who is sat on the bed looking out the door.

 

“you gonna give renjun a confession for christmas?”

 

jeno jerks in surprise, then scowls at them. “not funny, hyuck.”

 

hyuck pouts. “a little funny.” jeno’s frown eases up a bit and they sneak closer, smiling hopefully. “come on, im a little funny.”

 

jeno rolls their eyes, reaching out to pull donghyuck onto their lap. hyuck yelps then giggles. “you’re a monster.”

 

“a cute one though!” hyuck sings, fluttering their eyelashes at them.

 

“yeah.” jeno laughs, finally showing off their signature eye-smile, to donghyuck’s delight. “super cute.” donghyuck pats their head happily and jeno indulges them, leaning into the soft touch of their hand.

 

“stop flirting and get down here!” renjun yells up the stairs.

 

they share a Look, then burst out laughing.

 

* * *

 

ONE WEEK AGO

 

“you want me dead.”

 

“i do not want you dead.” johnny says for the third time, repressing the urge to roll her eyes.

 

ten scowls at her doubtfully from where they’re clinging to the side of the ice rink. “forgive me if i don’t believe you.”

 

johnny skates closer and holds out a hand, smiling at them encouragingly. ten squints at her smile then down at the outreached hand. they take it, muttering, “i’m only trusting you cos you’re hot.”

 

“oh?” johnny says smugly. “im hot?”

 

“no.” ten denies immediately, wobbling forwards. they’re gripping johnny’s hand so tightly she’s losing feeling in it. “a hot person wouldn’t want me, also a hot person, to risk their life like this.”

 

“hey, i risked my life for you earlier.” johnny points out, referring to their visit to the animal shelter. she’d had to dose up on chlorphenamine beforehand and was still a little bit sniffly, but it was worth it for the pure delight on ten’s face and the sight of ten cradling a kitten in their arms, cooing at it with a baby voice. the memory of ten pouting at her over the big ears of the black and white kitty, begging johnny to let them adopt her, would keep her warm all winter. she really had to see if there was a way to train her body out of its fur allergy.

 

ten pouts. “OK fine. i’ll give you that.” they go silent for a moment, then add, “love you.”

 

johnny feels ridiculously happy, beaming at them. “love you too.”

 

ten’s ears go red but their frown of concentration remains permanently fixed to their face.

 

“besides,” johnny encourages, “you watch so many ice skating videos you should be able to put some of that into practise, surely.”

 

ten huffs humourlessly, “yeah. you’d think.” johnny skates backwards, pulling ten forwards gently. “don’t you dare let go.” they hiss at her when she lessens the tightness of her hold on them.

 

“not gonna let go, baby.” johnny reassures them patiently.

 

a few laps of the rink later and they’ve graduated on to skating next to each other, a little faster, ten not clinging on _quite_ so tightly. johnny glances across and finds ten’s expression gradually morphing from one of excruciating terror into tentative enjoyment. it makes her feel really happy to see her partner enjoying an activity that she’s loved for so long, even happier that they’re sharing this moment together.

 

not long later and ten has let go of her hand and is happily skating by themself. every other lap they’ll wobble a bit, or slow down and frantically look around to locate her, but all those binge-watched ice skating videos must have helped because they’ve got the right technique and they’re going at a decent speed. when they catch her eye across the rink and grin widely, johnny feels immensely proud, of both of them.

 

the next time ten comes up beside him, they indicate to the outside of the rink where its relatively free of other skaters.

 

“show me your skating skills, johnny!” ten demands, dark eyes sparkling.

 

“um.” johnny’s tummy squirms a bit. “i’m kinda out of practice and i’m not like any of those skaters you watch.”

 

ten laughs. “i know, silly, i’m not expecting jumps and spins.”

 

somewhat reassured, johnny reminds herself of the words of her old skating instructors. ten claps delightedly at her crossovers and three-quarter passes, until johnny dismisses the worries about somehow letting ten down as inconsequential and allows herself to enjoy skating.

 

“aaahh, the crossovers are so cool,” ten gushes, once they’re skating around the rink again. “you’re so cool!”

 

slightly self-conscious, as she always is when complimented, johnny rubs the back of her neck and laughs softly, “thanks.”

 

the next time they’re resting at the side - ten whining that their calves aren’t used to such exertions - ten pulls johnny to trap them up against the plastic rink edge and tugs at her collar until johnny kisses them.

 

it’s raining, freezing cold water droplets trickling down through the gaps of their coats and scarves, when they leave the ice rink at 5pm, darkness already settling over the horizon.

 

their train back home - the ice-rink and animal shelter are too far away for regular visits, unfortunately, and it had taken quite some online searching on johnny’s part to find the best place for both, as close to their house as possible - isn’t for another hour and a half so they stop by the coffee shop just outside the train station and buy hot chocolates. ten says yes to marshmallows in theirs just so they can spoon them into johnny’s mug.

 

ten watches johnny through the curls of steam rising from the rich chocolate drink. she is pink-nosed with the cold, her hair curling in the damp. contentment has taken up permanent residence in the corners of johnny’s mouth, in the hint of dimples in her cheeks, in the sparkle of her eyes.

 

ten’s heart expands three sizes with affection.

 

* * *

 

"can someone get the door?" taeyong yells out of the open bathroom door. he's feeling distinctly frazzled, the calm he found in ten's embrace dissipated (at least for now) by the franticness that always comes when guests start to arrive. he takes a deep breath, reminding himself that these aren't strangers, they're his family, but his hands are still shaking too much to do his eyeliner.

 

the doorbell goes again.

 

"i said," taeyong puts the eyeliner pen down on the sink, "CAN SOMEONE GET THE DOOR?"

 

johnny's door slams open with a bang! and she rushes out, "ive got it! ive got it!"

 

groaning, taeyong somehow manages to do his eyeliner without ruining it. he flicks open yuta's highlighter palette and dusts gold shimmer across his cheekbones and into the inner corners of his eyes and just below his eyebrows, as well as the tip of his nose and the middle of his chin. "done!" he huffs. dragging open the drawer below the sink, taeyong shoves the various makeup things away, not wanting to leave them out when tipsy people are going to be using this bathroom later tonight, then pauses to check his hair in the mirror. he's pleasantly shocked by how good he looks, and allows himself a second to enjoy feeling hot. "looking good, handsome." he smirks, then giggles, and heads downstairs.

 

he finds johnny enveloping donghyuck in one of their signature bear hugs. renjun is standing nearby and she smiles shyly when she catches sight of him, holding up a bottle of prosecco. "we brought some bubbly? and yukhei's carrying a batch of chocolate chip cookies."

 

"thanks, junnie," taeyong smiles, taking the bottle and then giving renjun a careful hug. "lovely to see you." renjun lights up with the affectionate welcome and taeyong doesn't pinch her cheek only because he knows she hates it.

 

he holds out his arms for a hug with mark next. when he feels her cling on tighter as he's about to let go, taeyong whispers, "you ok, lovely?" in her ear. mark hums quietly, which isnt exactly reassuring, and presses her face more into taeyong's chest. taeyong catches johnny's eye over the top of mark's hair and they share a look of concern; johnny lets donghyuck jump on her back and herds the other kids towards the kitchen, taking the prosecco from taeyong's hand as she passes, leaving the two of them alone in the entrance hall.

 

in the relative quiet - there's christmas music playing low in the living room, and the kids are talking animatedly in the kitchen - taeyong rubs mark's back. mark's breathing hitches before she manages a deep breath. taeyong doesn't realise how tense she was until her muscles unknit under his palms and she relaxes into his embrace.

 

"wanna tell yongie what's wrong?" taeyong encourages gently.

 

mark lets him go, still not meeting his gaze. "just had a really um? bad day?" taeyong makes a soft noise of sympathy. "actually, it's been a bad week and ive been so busy and it's my fault for signing up to do so much but im exhausted-" mark cuts herself off, looking close to tears. heart aching, taeyong gathers her back into his arms, dropping a kiss onto her hair.

 

"oh baby." mark sniffles and taeyong has to pull himself together so he doesn't have a breakdown over his kid hurting. he can cry later, but right now he's got to reassure mark. "it's ok to be overwhelmed. yes, you signed up to do lots of things, but that doesn't exempt you from needing support. i'm here for you, baby. we're all here for you. you're ok."

 

mark's fingers curl tight into taeyong's shirt before letting go.

 

"i'm ok." mark echoes in a whisper.

 

"i love you." taeyong says. mark whimpers quietly.

 

after a moment, mark manages, "love you too."

 

"thank you for telling me, mark. i'm proud of you for reaching out."

 

"c-couldn't do it earlier, though."

 

"shhh. that's alright. it's difficult. hopefully next time you'll realise it's ok to come and ask for help but i'm not angry or disappointed. i love you."

 

"even though i'm being silly?" mark's voice is so quiet it takes a moment for taeyong to register the question.

 

taeyong pulls away, hands on mark's shoulders so mark has to meet his eyes. "mark. you're not being silly. and even if you were, i would still love you."

 

mark's bottom lip quivers but she nods like she believes him. god, taeyong hopes she does.

 

taeyong cups mark's cheek gently, rubbing his thumbs over them, even though mark hadn't actually shed any tears. "there we go." he mutters.

 

mark giggles damply, self-conscious. "sorry for getting all emotional on you."

 

taeyong smiles back. "don't be sorry. it's ok." mark tentatively holds onto taeyong's hand and taeyong squeezes hers in response. "we're gonna have a nice relaxing evening. you don't need to worry about anything ok? let yongie look after everything." he leads mark towards the kitchen. "you just enjoy yourself. and if you feel tired, you can go home early, or have a nap in my bed, alright?" mark nods, frowning slightly in the way she does when she's listening intently. it's so cute, taeyong coos internally.

 

when they enter the kitchen, they're greeted by the sight of renjun looking after the boiling vegetables, and the rest of the kids (including johnny) all watching with wide-eyed excitement as donghyuck brandishes a bottle of prosecco.

 

renjun looks up at their entrance and laughs at taeyong's evident apprehension. leaving mark to join the others, taeyong joins renjun at the stove, checking on his roast potatoes. "don't worry," renjun leans over to whisper, "they love doing it, open every bottle we have just fine."

 

sure enough, hyuck opens the bottle perfectly, to the delighted whoops of all present, declaring, "my favourite sound in the world!" at the loud POP!

 

they do a slightly less perfect job of pouring it, a little overenthusiastic, but soon enough they've all got a glass and they're toasting to christmas.

 

* * *

 

kun is doing a headcount after dinner when he realises they're a few short. 

 

setting down his glass of prosecco, he is about to head out of the crowded kitchen and make his way into the front room when yukhei catches his wrist. 

 

"oh, hey doll." he says, surprised, smiling up at her.

 

yukhei blushes the prettiest shade of pink. "ive told you not to call me that."

 

"but you blush so prettily when i do." kun points out, reaching up to poke her cheek. she swats his hand away but lets him pull her in close to his side. "what's up?"

 

a line of concern and confusion makes itself known between yukhei's perfectly sculpted eyebrows. "why did you look super worried all of a sudden?"

 

"oh, it's nothing, just realised i cant see ten, jaem or chenle anywhere."

 

"jaem's gone to the bathroom, but i don't know where the other two are. you gonna check the front room?"

 

"yup." kun pops the 'p'.

 

"want a kiss before you go?" yukhei's looking at him with her big puppy dog eyes and he really can't say no to a face like that. in fact, he's surprised it's taken her this long to ask. surprised, too, at how much he's wanted her to ask ever since he arrived, how much he's been anticipating it. for a variety of reasons it's always been yukhei initiating things, and he's starting to think that maybe he should change that.

 

he answers her question by placing a hand on her shoulder and applying a bit of pressure; eagerly she leans over enough for him to kiss her softly, then presses closer with typical enthusiasm to deepen the kiss. kun lets her push him up against the fridge, lets her tease the seam of his lips with her tongue before he nips at it with his teeth playfully. she makes a surprised noise and he pulls back to laugh.

 

"what's so funny?" she pouts, fingers tightening around the hem of his shirt, where her hands had moved during the kisses. not upset - it's kun and she trusts him with her life - but always sensitive to being mocked. she's been mocked one too many times.

 

kun smiles fondly, cups her jaw with his hand and rubs circles with his thumb over her cheek. "you're just real cute."

 

"real cute?" she says, then grins devillishly. it makes her look ridiculously gorgeous and kun's not sure why he's feeling more affected by it tonight than he usually is. maybe it's her sparkly makeup, or the way alcohol always makes her a little more touchy, or the fact that ever since yukhei moved out of their house and in with hyuck, jen, mark, jaem and renjun they havent seen each other as much.

 

he opens his mouth to say something about it - push her to confirm future plans so he knows when he'll see her next - but she steps back and says, "you'd better go find them."

 

right. ten and chenle.

 

kun nods, presses another quick kiss to the corner of her mouth just to see how it flusters her, then moves past her out into the corridor.

 

as expected, he hears voices conversing in the front room.

 

he pauses for a moment just outside to look at them.

 

they sit in the light of a few golden lamps and the christmas tree lights. ten is perched on the arm of the couch where chenle is sitting, their feet on the seat. chenle is looking up at them, eyes wide and serious, paying rapt attention. for once ten doesn't look uncomfortable with the attention, matching chenle in tone and gaze, clearly bestowing some form of information or great wisdom. neither look worried, though, so kun lets himself admire the view for a moment; so rarely does he see them interact, his kid and his...whatever ten is. he can feel himself flushing as he thinks about it, and pushes himself forward, into the room.

 

"hey sweetheart." both of them look at him as if he had called them by name.

 

"kunnn~" chenle smiles and shifts to the edge of the sofa, reaching out for a hug. kun obliges, passing a flustered ten to wrap his arms around chenle's head, hunching over to press a kiss to her green hair. he straightens to find ten looking at them both with an unreadable expression on their face. it looks something like love.

 

kun meets their gaze and finds his heart beating faster when ten's intense expression doesn't change. "uh." he fights the urge to stutter. "was wondering where you two were. you getting on alright kiddo?" he directs the last part at chenle, who still has an arm wrapped around his legs, looking up at him as if a toddler: all wide, trusting eyes and big cheeks. god, the things kun would do for this kid.

 

"wanted to ask uncle ten about some stuff."

 

kun feels his eyebrows lifting. "uncle ten?"

 

"apparently that's what jisung calls me." ten seems strangely subdued, staring off into the distance. just as kun starts to ask if they're ok, they refocus. blink. look at chenle thoughtfully. "it's...nice?" there's a lot to unpack there, thinks kun, running a hand through chenle's hair, tugging at the knots. chenle ducks away, scowling at him playfully.

 

"dad that hurts!" she whines.

 

kun freezes.

 

"present time!" shrieks one of the kids in the kitchen - probably hyuck - and chenle perks up like a meerkat, oblivious to kun's shock.

 

"presents? im gonna go grab my lemonade first!" kun watches her bound out of the room.

 

there's a moment of silence and then ten giggles. "you should see your face."

 

kun looks at them sharply. "d-did she just call me 'dad'? im not imagining that?" he fumbles with ten's outreached hand, lets ten pull him close and interlink their fingers gently. ten's eyes are bright with amusement but there's unmistakably love behind it. "don't laugh at me." he pouts.

 

"you're such a dad, im surprised it's taken this long." ten teases, and kun splutters suddenly in remembrance.

 

"i...actually overheard the kids calling me that before. like 'chenle's dad'." ten squeezes his hand. "but it's different having her actually say it to my face, yknow?"

 

ten grins. "i dont really know, but i can understand it."

 

"she-" oh god, he's choking up. he's really about to cry over this. the grin slips immediately from ten's face and they get off the arm of the sofa, hands coming up to cup the side of kun's face. kun closes his eyes, takes a steadying breath. keeps his eyes closed as he says, "she's talked to me about her dad before? like her biological dad and she's willing to give me that kind of place in her life? like, parents are...you know what parents are, or what they should be, ten, how important they are, and i- i don't know im just- oh god, what if i fuck up?" his eyes flash open, desperately searching ten's for reassurance.

 

"hey, hey." ten soothes, leans forward, pressing their foreheads together. "you're ok. you're not him. you love that kid so much and chenle knows it, that's why she's calling you dad. keep being you and you'll be the bestest dad ever."

 

"the bestest dad ever?" kun whispers.

 

ten hums in the affirmative.

 

it's so easy to tilt his head and kiss the side of ten's mouth.

 

there's a moment's pause, and kun feels like they're both teetering on the edge of something more, like he has the past few times they've been alone together like this. as if the smallest move could, like a butterfly, cause a storm, and kun is a ship afloat in the middle of the ocean, watching the horizon with bated breath.

 

and then ten kisses him back. on the lips.

 

in the soft golden glow of the lights on the christmas tree, they kiss on the lips for the first time.

 

the rest of the world slips away; all kun knows is that ten kisses just like he thought they would, eager and submissive all at once, hands clinging to the collar of kun's shirt. their waist is teeny tiny in kun's arms, and he thinks they're on tip-toe even though kun is barely taller than them, and, oh, his chest is so full of love, he thinks he could float away if ten should ever let go.

 

"chenle! jisung! your dads are kissing!"

 

kun groans, a mixture of embarrassed, annoyed and amused. he lets go of ten, who leaps at donghyuck, growling at them.

 

kun laughs as donghyuck shrieks and runs off, giggling hysterically, ten hot on their heels, yelling, "come back here, you little shit!"

 

as their quick footsteps thump up the stairs, chenle appears in the door, hair messy and eyes wide, bottle of lemonade in hand, and gasps, "dad!" kun just laughs harder as chenle whines loudly, "i was just here!"

 

somewhere in the house, johnny lets out a "whoop!", doyoung groans "finally" and taeyong yells, "ten! stop tickling hyuck, they're gonna wet themselves!" all over the sound of donghyuck's loud, breathless laughter.

 

then yuta appears over chenle's shoulder in the doorway, bright grin on show. they ruffle her hair - chenle still pouting - and congratulate kun with a wink. "looks like you've already opened one present."

 

* * *

 

eighteen people is an awful lot to fit in one room, but they manage. yuta might've teased him when they were looking around houses, but taeyong had been determined that their living room would be big enough for all eighteen of them (taeyong had demanded that their kitchen, too, was big enough for both his stress-baking and cooking meals big enough for the whole family).

 

despite the fact that the room is pretty large, it's still a bit of a squeeze. most of the kids have been relegated to the floor, except for donghyuck, who is happily situated in johnny's lap. johnny winces when they wriggle around a bit too much, but clearly can't bear to deflate their excitement and grins through the pain. taeyong, sharing an armchair with yuta, smothers his laughter into yuta's shoulder; when yuta whispers "what?" they both have a giggle over johnny's suffering together.

 

ten sits next to johnny, with kun beside them, looking smug as a cat with cream. taeyong watches fondly as they keep kissing johnny then turning to kiss kun, each time wiggling a little with uncontainable delight at the novel perfection of it. taeyong thinks back to ten's words about this evening, this house, being a safe place for them all; thinks about how that must reflect how ten frames this space in their mind. he thinks about how ten had reacted to him calling this group of people his family, _their_ family.

 

he's been staring at them, and now ten catches his eye and returns his gaze. their intimate look across the busy room is heavy-laden with deep knowing. ten isn't smiling but, god, they look so happy; their face is open and soft, the old tension and defensiveness replaced with vulnerability. it took so long for ten to internalise the idea that being soft is a kind of strength too, and now ten is here, looking at him like this, and taeyong's heart just _aches_.

 

the moment is broken when yuta touches his hand and murmurs, "you okay, princess?"

 

taeyong nods, laces their fingers together and kisses the concern off yuta's mouth, just a quick, gentle thing. when he looks back up, ten has moved across the room to give jisung his present.

 

* * *

 

yuta watches ten pull jisung into their lap for a hug. they're in the corner of the room because jisung likes being able to see everyone when he's wearing his noise-cancelling headphones, as he is doing now, so that nobody can sneak up behind him.

 

yuta catches jisung's eye over ten's shoulder and signs 'having fun?' getting a bright smile in response.

 

their eye-contact is broken by chenle rushing by. she's been eagerly delivering presents, taking her self-assigned role as an elf very seriously (kun keeps catching her for cuddles that she squirms out of, complaining loudly but unable to hide the wide smile on her pink-flushed face).

 

"hey, lele! another present for markle." jaem calls from across the room. yuta thinks she looks beautiful in the sparkly purple dress she's changed into, and makes a note to tell her so later. chenle bounces over to where jaem is sandwiched in between jeno and renjun, taking the present and delivering it to the recipient.

 

said recipient is bundled up in yukhei's lap, both of them nearly under the christmas tree, cheeks red from both the prosecco and the kisses yukhei keeps pressing to her cheeks. yuta grins at the sight. if chenle is kun's kid, then mark is taeyong's. yuta doesn't know everything, but they've found taeyong up past midnight many a night, worrying himself to insomnia over mark, so they have some idea about what a rough year mark has had. seeing mark smiling so brightly, being showered in affection, makes yuta feel strangely proud. proud of mark, for fighting through, proud of their taeyong, for being such a pillar of strength and love for mark in difficult times, and proud of the whole lot of them for creating such loving spaces. spaces of support and encouragement. spaces of growth and healing.

 

they're snapped out of their contemplation by a quiet voice. "yuta?"

 

sicheng is sitting on the arm of the armchair, head tilted to the side as he watches them inquisitively.

 

"oh," pleasantly surprised, "hi sweetheart."

 

"you looked deep in thought."

 

"mmm." yuta puts an arm around his waist and puckers their lips for a kiss. sicheng rolls his eyes but obliges. his lips are as soft as always. "guess what?" yuta whispers as they separate.

 

sicheng gives them a Look but gives the obligatory "what?" in response.

 

"i love you."

 

try as he might, sicheng can't help but smile in the face of yuta's radiant grin. "you're not as funny as you think you are." he pushes at yuta's shoulder playfully. yuta shoves him back, and he flails as he almost falls from his perch, yuta's hand tightening on his waist, both of them yelping. crisis averted, they dissolve into laughter.

 

"anyways," sicheng says when they're breathing normally again, "i got you a little something."

 

"you what?" yuta cranes to hear.

 

"shove off, you heard me."

 

yuta giggles, ridiculously pleased, as always, at the traicherous colour of sicheng's cheeks. sicheng dumps the badly wrapped package in yuta's lap; yuta finds themself charmed by the poor attempt at wrapping, as they are charmed by almost everything sicheng does. "thank you, sweetheart."

 

"you haven't opened it yet." sicheng scowls.

 

"but i know i love it already." yuta insists, stretching up to give sicheng a kiss on the cheek.

 

"you're the worst." sicheng grumbles, hand coming up to rest gently on yuta's head, playing with the strands of dye-damaged hair.

 

"and you love me~" yuta sings softly, adoringly.

 

sicheng breathes in deeply in response, an inverted sigh. "just open your present."

 

* * *

 

doyoung most definitely did _not_ stumble on the way to the sink.

 

(but if she _had_ she would be glad there was nobody in the kitchen to see her do it.)

 

stumbling aside, she is in rather desperate need of a glass of water.

 

there's a reason she never drinks when kun is drinking too: they always think the other is getting drunk and end up drinking each other's alcohol to save them from themselves. it ends with both of them far too giggly and waking up the next morning groaning in regret.

 

it doesn't help that kun consciously decided to drink more this evening to 'survive seeing ten'. grabbing a mug off the draining board, turning on the tap, doyoung is glad kun no longer has that as a motive. not just because she had money on them getting together this queermas, but also because she loves seeing him happy. and, as much as ten loves to rile her up, she likes seeing ten happy too.

 

she gulps the mugful of water and is refilling it when she sees the back porch light is on.

 

setting her mug aside, doyoung grabs the coat hanging up beside the back door - taeyong's, she thinks - and slips it on before heading outside.

 

for some reason, she wasn't expecting it to be one of the kids.

 

"hey sungie." she greets him softly. he still jumps. when he recognises her, he relaxes, turning away to look back out at the tiny backyard and over the fence at the trees and stars beyond.

 

doyoung takes that as an invitation to sit down on the bench beside him. "you OK?" she asks.

 

jisung shrugs, then signs 'too loud'.

 

doyoung huffs out a quiet chuckle. "you're right about that. want me to grab your headphones?" jisung reaches to his other side and picks up said headphones, wiggling them. "ah." doyoung says and jisung snorts ruefully. "i can tell them to keep it down?" she offers.

 

jisung shakes his head rapidly, which sends him into a little stimming spiral - hitting his palms against his thighs and blinking - for a while. when he stops stimming, he signs 'party', which doyoung takes to mean he doesn't want to ruin the fun, or maybe that he had anticipated it being loud so was prepared for it.

 

"im sure they'd be willing," doyoung says anyway, because she doesn't want him feeling isolated or like an annoyance, "but that's considerate of you."

 

jisung smiles at her thankfully when he realises she's going to respect his wishes. 'thank you' he signs. doyoung signs 'you're welcome' back in response.

 

the chill of the night has finally wormed its way through her layer of alcohol-fuelled warmth, and she shivers a little. "im gonna head back inside." she stands and shucks off the coat, holding it out to jisung. "maybe put this on? i don't want you catching a cold."

 

jisung blinks up at her, wide-eyed, then he takes the outstretched jacket. doyoung watches as he shrugs it on, then kneels and helps him with the zip after he's frowned at it for a moment.

 

doyoung doesn't ruffle his hair because he doesn't like his head being touched, but she channels her affection into a smile and he wiggles a little, one of his happy stims. "see you inside when you're ready kiddo."

 

back inside, kun is hunched over the kitchen countertop like a goblin, drinking her mug of water. he jumps when she opens the back door, sloshing water down his front, looking like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

 

there's a beat of silence, then they burst out laughing.

 

* * *

 

johnny hadn't been alone in worrying about her kid when donghyuck had confessed that they liked renjun, yukhei _and_ mark. kun had tried to sit down with renjun and talk about it, only to be yelled at for meddling, whilst taeyong had been awoken by tentative knocks on the door at 2am and found mark on the other side. biting all her nails off.

 

johnny knows it hasn't been all smooth sailing, not even close, but seeing the lot of them together this evening makes her wonder why she had ever been quite so worried.

 

during present opening, donghyuck had migrated off her lap and over to join their girlfriends. as the evening winds to a close, johnny subtly watches them all cuddle together.

 

yukhei has draped herself over donghyuck's shoulders like a cloak and is happily nuzzling into donghyuck's neck; donghyuck tilts their head slightly to the side to give yukhei better access, squeaking when yukhei's breath tickles their nape. mark is snuggled up to both of them, happily ensconced in the soft blanket taeyong gave her for christmas, free hand clutching a mug of taeil's spiced apple juice. or mulled cider? johnny's eyebrows knit together as she wonders if an intervention is needed; mark's cheeks and nose have a distinctly pink flush to them. (which is super adorable but also johnny really doesn't want mark to drink too much and regret it later.)

 

before johnny can get up and do something about it (aka cut mark off), renjun is extracting the mug from mark's hands and replacing it with a glass of water, rolling her eyes fondly when mark pouts in response. she leans in and kisses mark's nose, successfully erasing said pout. donghyuck, watching, pouts their lips too, whining like a baby until renjun kisses them too. when renjun tries to pull away, donghyuck grabs the back of her neck and, off-balance, renjun topples forward into their lap to the sound of laughter. struggling back up, renjun lightly taps donghyuck's nose in scolding. mark is smiling at them both with such softness; yukhei glances across and swoops in to kiss mark's cheek, manoeuvring around the hyuck still in her lap. mark startles like a little baby deer, or maybe a kitten, all wide eyes. yukhei continues to pepper kisses over mark's face, then donghyuck notices and grabs mark's hand, tugging it up to place a smooch on the back of it chivalrously, waggling their eyebrows. mark flushes red then shoves hyuck away. hyuck pouts until they realise that renjun is busy talking to jeno and jaemin - jeno an uncharacteristic shade of pink - and mark and yukhei are too busy making out to notice them pouting, at which point they start hitting yukhei's shoulder and whining until yukhei is giggling against mark's mouth too much to ignore them. mark huffs and pulls a complaining hyuck forward by their collar to kiss them quiet, yukhei still laughing.

 

"they're so cute."

 

johnny glances to the side to find kun watching them like she is, a smile creeping onto his face without him even realising.

 

across the room, hyuck, yukhei and mark all muffle their squeals as jeno, jaemin and renjun take hold of each other's hands.

 

* * *

 

ten startles at a light pressure on their wrist. they look down at johnny's fingers, then up at her face. 'you okay?' she mouths. as ten focuses on her face, the chatter and laughter of their family fades into a quiet murmur. johnny's forehead is slightly wrinkled in concern, but her mouth and eyes are soft; asking for confirmation before really worrying, making it clear that if ten isn't ok, they're not in trouble. that they can talk to her and she'll listen. it's such a johnny expression that ten's chest squeezes tight again.

 

they nod, but johnny pulls them, gently (always gently), into her lap. ten settles across her thighs and tucks their nose into the side of her neck, breathes in the scent of johnny's perfume, and under that, johnny herself. it's one of ten's favourite scents. it's memory-heavy: all those nights they cried themselves into exhaustion in johnny's arms, every aching goodbye, each joyful meeting, the first time they slept together, the first time they _slept_ together, and all the times after.

 

ten's breath catches. johnny hears, because of course she does.

 

soft, big hands rub their thigh, johnny hunching over to see their face, her voice warm and gentle. "baby?" quiet enough that nobody else pays attention. just for ten.

 

"im ok." ten hurries to reassure. "it's just-" they huff out a deep breath. "this is what i've always wanted. it's the christmas i've always wanted. with my friends and the...the kids and my partners and i'm just kinda..." ten chuckles wetly, still quiet, content to have only johnny listening. "i'm kinda overwhelmed?"

 

johnny hums like she understands. ten thinks she probably doesn't, because this is so much more than christmas to them. there are so many layers they can't even attempt to articulate, and johnny's often struggles to hear the things ten leaves unsaid. but ten doesn't mind. they know that if they did talk about it, johnny would listen. and that's enough.

 

it's more than enough.

 

one of johnny's hands strokes through ten's hair. "it's ok to be overwhelmed." she smiles, and her smile, like her voice, is infinitely soft. "hey," she says, and ten wishes they could live always within the comfort of johnny's voice, within the love in johnny's eyes. "remember that everyone here loves you. if you need some space or have a little cry nobody is gonna mock you or think less of you."

 

"ok." ten whispers. "i think im ok, just-" they snuggle up under johnny's chin, up against the steady warmth of her chest. "love you, jawnny."

 

they know johnny is smiling, even without looking up.

 

* * *

 

kun zips up chenle's coat and straightens out the collar as she calls goodbyes over his head.

 

"there you go." he says, mostly to himself.

 

chenle bundles herself into his arms for a last hug, muttering "merry christmas, dad." into his chest.

 

kun takes advantage of the moment of stillness to kiss the top of her head, and then she's bouncing off, waiting impatiently as jisung says his goodbyes so they can walk back to halls together.

 

kun watches fondly as they march off down the street, hand in hand, before the cold of the night creeps in through the open door and he hurries to close it.

 

* * *

 

donghyuck is tired. now that they've had dinner and they're curled up all warm and safe in yukhei's arms, they can feel their eyelids getting heavier. with their head on yukhei's chest, they can hear her heartbeat. it's so relaxing.

 

blearily looking around, donghyuck tries to ascertain their friends' energy levels.

 

mark is snuggled up in taeyong's lap, both of them giggling cutely as johnny weaves them a story. johnny in entertainment mode is always a sight to behold, all huge expressions and hand-gestures, every part of her intent on drawing the intended response from her audience. at one point, when her antics make taeyong let out an ugly snort and sends mark into hysterics, johnny breaks character, smirking to herself happily.

 

they had been hopeful, earlier, when renjun had held hands with jeno and jaemin but clearly, they were still easing into things; they're playing a board game that jeno was given by taeyong, sitting close together, touches maybe a little lingering but definitely platonic. as much as donghyuck might complain to mark about how much he wants jeno and jaemin to confess to renjun, they know it's better this way. polyamorous relationships aren't easy; no relationship is. they would all need to have multiple complex and honest conversations about boundaries, needs and expectations. it's a lot to take on, a lot of energy and emotional vulnerability, and donghyuck doesn't want to see any of their friends getting hurt from rushing things or misunderstanding feelings (their own and each other's).

 

yukhei's thumb is still rubbing slow circles on donghyuck's arm, but when donghyuck shifts slowly to see yukhei's face, they find her asleep. almost as soon as they notice, her thumb stills, hand dropping to her side. yukhei's head is resting against the armrest of the sofa next to them, eyes closed and mouth slightly open and nearly drooling; donghyuck has to suppress the urge to snigger at the sight.

 

donghyuck is loathe to interrupt the rest of them, but they should probably get yukhei to bed. careful not to move too much, donghyuck flaps their hand at the trio playing the board game. jaemin frowns, then nudges renjun.

 

“head off soon?” they mouth at her.

 

“we’re nearly finished.” she whispers in response, gesturing at the board.

 

donghyuck nods, leaning back against yukhei’s chest. they startle when yukhei’s arms come up to cuddle them.

 

“mmm.” yukhei says eloquently.

 

“sorry if i woke you.” donghyuck murmurs.

 

“’sokie.” yukhei mumbles. “sleepy.”

 

donghyuck twists around in her arms to cup her jaw with one hand and stroke her hair with the other. yukhei sinks into the touches, eyes closed, eyelashes casting deep shadows across her cheeks. “i know you’re sleepy, baby. we’ll get you home soon, okay?”

 

yukhei hums. “love you, duckie.”

 

an irrepressible fondness mounting in their heart, donghyuck sighs, a soft and content little thing. “i love you too.”

 

* * *

 

after the kids have gone home, they rearrange themselves in the living room. doyoung and kun have the last bottle of prosecco between them; ten watches fondly as doyoung kisses kun softly, knowing how much doie likes kissing people, especially when tipsy, and knowing, too, just how irresistable kun is.

 

tucked up in a blanket beside doyoung is a sleepy jungwoo. when jungwoo touches her wrist softly, pouting their lips for a kiss, doyoung obliges happily, pressing kisses to jungwoo’s lips, cheeks and forehead. when she pulls away, jungwoo’s eyes are closed. doyoung strokes jungwoo’s hair, face soft with fondness as they relax into sleep under her ministrations. kun rests his head on her shoulder, watching jungwoo with love written into every line of his face. ten wonders if he looks at them like that.

 

taeyong has made a teapot full of hot blackcurrent squash and has settled down with his favourite teacup, wrapped up in a blanket matching the one he gave to mark earlier in the evening. his cheeks are a little pink, his eyelids heavy. ten half-expects him to get out a crossword and a pair of half-moon spectacles and start reading difficult clues aloud for the whole room to solve. when ten catches his eye and blows him a kiss taeyong giggles, then nuzzles up to yuta as taeil pours the last of its mulled cider into yuta’s outheld mug.

 

“are you going home anytime soon?” ten asks taeil.

 

“nope.” says taeil, and ten doesn’t push the issue further. it won’t be the first (nor last) time that taeil decides to camp on their sofa for a few days without explanation.

 

keeping a little mulled cider for itself, taeil settles down on the carpet next to sicheng, who is painting his nails with the nail polish yuta bought him for christmas.

 

yuta puts an arm around taeyong, who nuzzles under their wing, smiling to himself from within his burrito. yuta kisses the top of his head.

 

“put the fire on, johnny?” taeyong pleads, pulling out the puppy dog eyes. johnny, widely known to be weak for cute things, gets up and sets the fire as instructed. taeyong giggles. ten admires the handsome lines of johnny’s back as she kneels by the small fireplace. johnny turns round and wiggles her eyebrows at them; ten flushes at being caught checking her out.

 

when the fire is happily burning away, johnny collapses heavily on the sofa, groaning. “god, i’m exhausted.”

 

“the happy kind?” pipes up taeyong, eyes wide with concern, looking like a little puppy.

 

for once, johnny doesn't roll her eyes. “yes, yongie. the happy kind.” she lifts her arm and ten snuggles up underneath it.

 

taeyong smiles at them both for a moment more before tucking his head back into yuta's armpit.

 

on the wall across from them, the hands of the clock quietly tick past midnight, and into the new day.

 

"merry christmas, everyone." says yuta. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope everyone had a lovely time this holiday season, and that 2019 is a year of joy, love and kindness for each of you.


End file.
